When it's almost time to clock out...

What do you do?

Do you pack up early and mingle with the coworkers until 5pm? Do you get yourself organized for the next day? Do you work feverishly to get all of your tasks done from that day’s to do list?

You know when it’s time to go home. For most it’s 5pm. You can manage your work throughout the day to ensure you get things done, or at least get yourself ready to complete them on the next. You know how long you have.

Let’s think about other work that is to be done. You’ve promised someone (your parent, spouse, roommate, landlord) that you will have such and such fixed/cleaned up/whatever before they get back. But they didn’t tell you when that would be. I think it’s foolish then to waste time because you don’t know how long you have to work.

Isn’t our time here, in general, the same thing?

Yeah, you saw that one coming…

I’ve wasted so much time. I feel like I have, anyway. I don’t mean to. And maybe I haven’t really wasted as much time as I think I have, it’s just that I’m pretty hard on myself and I always feel like I could be doing more.

What is my task? What work am I assigned? First of all, my work is to share the name of Christ and who He is. To encourage believers and love the non believers and to befriend the ones who ride the fence.

But specifically what is my task? I have been in doubt over this for a long time and I prayed about it some more last night. I was impressed that my task is to be an encourager and supporter of my husband and the ministry he does. It’s to be a servant and friend for the church community to which I belong and I love with all my heart. It’s to be open about my faith to coworkers and strangers I meet.

But, God, doesn’t that seem sort of …insignificant? It just feels small, to me. (that’s what I told Him in my prayer)

“Well Yeah”, I felt a reply, or a feeling in my heart, “small doesn’t mean insignificant though.”

I just heard a teaching about the widow who gave money in the temple. They equaled a little less than a penny, but it was all she had. The coins were light and thin so surely it didn’t make much of a sound in the ol’ tithe box in the temple court of women. No one noticed, except for Jesus. He said she had given more than anyone else had, put together! That makes me feel a little better.

I’m not a foreign missionary, I’m not being persecuted, I don’t have a degree in theology, I don’t write music or preach sermons. I just do what I feel like I should do, which is to encourage and love. Sometimes I think it’s not enough, but that widow was dear to Jesus because of her heart not because of how big of a donation she gave. This isn’t about money, ok? It’s about action. But God reminded me last night that being a servant and realizing that everything I have belongs to God is important. Give, love, share, repent, forgive….now those are big things to Him.

I’m still trying to understand it myself, the truth here brings tears to my eyes because I’m humbled that He still loves me. After all my sin, my rotten attitudes, my gossip, and other things I’m ashamed to admit. I’ve confessed them all to Him and proclaimed repentance.

Sometimes I don’t say that I have repented because I’m worried I’ll fail and go back to it. But I can’t live in that mindset! That is human and it’s frail. But in Christ I am strong in heart and I can repent of the sin, that is not to go back to those ways. In Christ, I’m not just one that can achieve my goal, but I am MORE than a conqueror. (yeah all you Seraph fans out there are humming the tune) But so did I after my prayer proclaiming that I am repenting.

My sense of urgency came quickly, as most urgent matters do. Now, let me say first, that I have always had a sense that my time here could be up. It’s almost on a daily and nightly basis that I am mindful of Christ’s return. I’ve felt this way nearly my whole life and I’m very glad for it. It keeps me thinking on Him. I’m not scared of it, I’m excited. But nervous at the same time because (here we go again) I want more time since I feel I haven’t done enough work. I really do feel like there’s more work to be done. My task isn’t over, there are still people who need Jesus, who need Living Water and the Bread of Life.

I want more time to know His name here before I see Him there. (there’s my Narnia reference for the day)

I’m not trying to be the man on the side of the road with a sharpie and a sign that says The End is Near, but I’m not going to say he’s wrong. A few things Jack (our teacher at Mars Hill) shared with us last night really stirred my heart to action, more than before.  Read Mark chapter 13 to get your bearing and probably like me you won’t really understand it, but it’ll get your attention anyway. He shares with His disciples how the world will know the end is here. He also gives a hint as to when His return will be (which is before the end). He states no one can know the day or time. However I believe one can deduce “about the time” as in generation time. You will want to go to the website for People of Mars Hill, the link is to the left under my favorite links and go to the podcast for August 10. He explains in better detail, but basically the generation that will see the return of Christ will be the same generation of the newly established Israel (which is referred to as a fig tree in Mark). “In 1947, the United Nations approved the partition of Palestine into two states, one Jewish and one Arab. The Arab League rejected the plan, but on May 14, 1948, theJewish provisional government declared Israel's independence.” (from wikipedia) That was 60 years ago. The average lifespan of the society in Israel is like America’s 77-78 years.

Take from that what you may, I’m not totally relying on what I’m taught at church, even though I find Jack Hester to be a credible source of knowledge and study. But I’m reading it myself over and over again, comparing that scripture to Old Testament scriptures and trying to draw my own conclusions. If that is the case and Christ could return at any time in the next few years, it’s fine with me. I’m glad to go with Him. Even though I know my heart is in His hands, I still tell Him that I want Him to take me when He returns. I want to be with Him, I want to fellowship with my friends and family in heaven. I want to be rid of these sinful desires, to see hate, war and poverty. I want to be done with mean thoughts and a hard attitude. This internal battle has gotten really old and I want to be done with it.

But like I said before, I want more time here. I want to work some more and I want to work harder.

Yes, life has thrown has a curve ball.

Brad said it's more like a different play call, than a curve ball.

Two days ago, one hour before time to knock off for the weekend, I was called into the office of the VP of Business Affairs, who is my boss. He regrettably told me that my job was one of several that had been eliminated. UM doesn't have the student body to support the current functions of the school and restructuring was one answer to the problem.

I had no clue it was coming. I knew cuts were being made, but my job is kinda important, and I didn't make much anyway, so surely it wouldn't be mine. The thought never even occurred to me. So, needless to say I lost it. Not in the office, I asked to be excused, walked outside, called my husband and cried. He told me to just come on home. I did.

I went back Saturday morning, made a copy of my resume, cleaned out my desk and took a look around. I'm really going to miss it. I'm more heartbroken than anything because I loved being there so much. Sure, the job wasn't all that challenging. But I loved being there. I loved my coworkers, I loved the atmosphere there. All good things (except for Christ's love) come to an end.

So I'm just going to have to start over. I've already sent my resume to one source, I am interviewing tomorrow. I'm currently inquiring on three other jobs as well. I have learned mounds in the past three days that I will share later tonight. There's just too much in my head right now. So please come back for the next post. In short, I will say this:

My husband is wonderful.
My friends are such an encouragement.
My family is supportive.
My God is so good.

Time is a strange thing.

Time is a factual element of life. It is measured in seconds, minutes, and up. Those don't change. It has always taken 60 seconds to equal one minute. But doesn't it seem to feel different to us? Time doesn't seem evenly spread; it moves. It speeds up, it slows down, it stops. When waiting for an important phone call or email, or even just to get off work, it can creep by. When taking a lunch hour, or enjoying coffee with a friend, it speeds by. Strange.
Last night Brad and I visited friends of ours who just welcomed their first child into the world. They had a perfectly sweet baby boy. I held him a lot. Brad was wonderful with him too, even though he had never held a newborn. He's such a natural. But I have known the mother since the 7th grade. I met her husband my first day of college. I remember life with the two of them before they had even met each other. Now, they've been married over 5 years and have a baby. Time has flown by on this one.
I was speaking with my friend about how she needs to savor every single moment with her newborn because it will be gone before she realizes it. Next thing we all know, he'll be out of diapers and getting his driver's permit.
I remember the night I found out my sister was having her first baby. I can recall the look on Brooke's face when she told me, I can remember my emotion, I can tell you all that I was dreaming about that night, too. It honestly seems like it happened just a few weeks ago. But Hannah just turned 9 years old... It's so sad. I have well incorporated myself in the lives of Brooke's kids, but I still feel as if I've missed out on so much because they are growing up so fast. I was telling our friends last night how Baby, the family maltese, would come running out of mom's bedroom when Mikayla would start crying. We brought Mikayla home when she was 11 months old. When she woke up from nap time, Baby wanted mom to get in there quick and shut her up! Now KK is turning 9 later this year. She talks like she's 19 though. Again, time is gone, it seems.
Brad's 10 year reunion is this year. He isn't able to attend because Seraph is on the road at the time. He's pretty disappointed because he wanted to see his old friends, of course.
As of this month, he and I have been graduated from college for 5 years. We are also celebrating 8 years together in just a few weeks. I think it's weird how I remember so vividly, the night we met and what I was thinking, almost like it did happen not too long ago, but I have a hard time remembering what life was like before him.
The measures of time do not change, but life itself seems to alter it for each individual.
I don't have an exact point with this entry, just wanted to state what was on my mind today. I hope you are all having a great week and that you are making the most of your time.
ha ha! Do any of you remember that old DC Talk song "Time is Tickin Away"? Wow, that one came out of left field...